Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Sacagawea was the original milf.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize