Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
