we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
