Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
