I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
