She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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