My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
