hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
