Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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