"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
