He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
