The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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