I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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