so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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