She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
