I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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