At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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