I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
