She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
