Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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