ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just threw up on my dentist
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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