how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
