Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
