my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
