Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
