he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
