i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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