...so i touched it.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
