if i can run in heels then i can drive
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
