I could have mohawked her pubes.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
