I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
