Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
