well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
