i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
How's work?
Spinning.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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