I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
