i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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