do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
