I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
