First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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