thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
nutella sex= disaster
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
