Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
