In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
