i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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