Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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