last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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