what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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