feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Rumble strips road head = magical
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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