You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize