Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
