i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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