i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
