Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
