How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
