This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
