Need sex. Gaining weight.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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