I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
