the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
