Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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