Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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