If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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