You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
