im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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