I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
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He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
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He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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